Friday, August 9, 2013

The uncertain future...

Some days I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels and can't get the traction to move forward.  Sitting still is just not my way but since my diagnosis, there have been too many days where I feel idling in one place is all I have, even though it is not the place I want to be.  There are times I feel like I can't plan for the future when the future is so uncertain and some days, a few really bad days, I have just felt completely irrelevant.  Lacking the ability to communicate easily, I have found myself keeping quiet more often and have had a harder time expressing my opinions lately because it takes too long or is too much effort. 

I realize now that this is a road that leads to losing myself and I am not ready to do that.  Even with hope and a positive outlook, every now and then it can be all too easy to fall into the trap of forgetting that who I am is more than what the disease has taken.  I am still here, I am still me, and a little reminder from the ones who need me most was all it took for me to see beyond the ALS and start planning for that uncertain but visible future once again.

I know there are some who cannot look at me and see beyond the ALS anymore, and I get that, but I do not want to sit still until that is all anyone can see, including me.  The future is on the horizon and the truth is that nothing is ever certain.  I just need to remember to keep moving forward and enjoy the ride, wherever it may lead...


5 comments:

  1. Sam, I can relate just this morning I said ( or rather I typed into ipad), that I felt like I was functioning in a vat of jello with every movement an effort. Keep posting, you're outlook is refreshing.

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  2. Your desire to fight is what you should hold onto. Don't lose that desire. ALS may be a strong monster, but with your amazing strength, you can hold it at bay for quite a while. Keep fighting, dear Sam... you have a lot of folks in your corner!

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  3. You are still here & will always be YOU.. Keep on moving along on your ride Sam. Your desire to stay positive is inspirational. Think of you often :-)

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  4. Chrystie, Amazing to think that with the kind of person you are that anyone who knows you would have a hard time looking past the symptoms of ALS. I am sorry for that! And sorry for the frustration you must experience losing your physical ability. IF - we are each made up of - Body - Mind - and Spirit - then YOU continue to have so much ability is your depth of spirit! And I agree - You are so much more than what the ALS has taken! Keep shining on! Hugs, Steph

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  5. You are one of the strongest women I know- I see way beyond the ALS and you are more than just someone I work with, but a friend. Keep on doing what you're doing!

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