Friday, August 9, 2013

The uncertain future...

Some days I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels and can't get the traction to move forward.  Sitting still is just not my way but since my diagnosis, there have been too many days where I feel idling in one place is all I have, even though it is not the place I want to be.  There are times I feel like I can't plan for the future when the future is so uncertain and some days, a few really bad days, I have just felt completely irrelevant.  Lacking the ability to communicate easily, I have found myself keeping quiet more often and have had a harder time expressing my opinions lately because it takes too long or is too much effort. 

I realize now that this is a road that leads to losing myself and I am not ready to do that.  Even with hope and a positive outlook, every now and then it can be all too easy to fall into the trap of forgetting that who I am is more than what the disease has taken.  I am still here, I am still me, and a little reminder from the ones who need me most was all it took for me to see beyond the ALS and start planning for that uncertain but visible future once again.

I know there are some who cannot look at me and see beyond the ALS anymore, and I get that, but I do not want to sit still until that is all anyone can see, including me.  The future is on the horizon and the truth is that nothing is ever certain.  I just need to remember to keep moving forward and enjoy the ride, wherever it may lead...